HOW I RUINED MY LIFE - BIGGEST ERROR.

    I took the pains to write in my Diary The Biggest Error I Have Ever Made; and that's why you shouldn't be in a hurry to get married early. Don't get me wrong, marrying early is cool but marrying earlier than you are ready is like waking up love at the wrong time.

I'm going to be writing in a different style than you are used to. I would be very exact, giving you an explicit summary of My ordeal.

MONTH 1: I attended Claire's pool party and I met this gorgeous but simple guy, we fell in love just like that. He told me his name was Kirk Jordan and we exchanged contacts. Didn't give him my home address because I didn't want him to meet my parents, I would tell you why soon.

MONTH 2: We seemed to have known each other for years, Kirk actually loved me. I even got to know that he was a college graduate, had a cool job, at least that was what he told me. He seemed to be my Prince Charming, very gentle and luring. I confided in him and soon told him how my home was a mess. He said it would be better I came to live in with him, he wanted me to get away from such environment so it doesn't affect me.

MONTH 3: Kirk took me out often and we were getting really emotionally close. I bought his idea to elope with him but I told him, we could just wait till I finally got out of high school (I was in my last year and in a few months, I was getting out of high school). He said whatever decisions I made was fine by him.

MONTH 4: One night, something strange happened, My dipsomaniac dad came home totally drunk, mom wasn't home yet like every other night(sometimes she didn't even come home). My elder step-sister was married and so I was all by myself often. I was actually fatigued and so I just lay in bed half asleep.
It was a strange feeling, I thought it was a dream, really awkward dream. I just felt this unusual sensation down there. I wanted to open my eyes but it felt as though my eyes became disobedient,
I was scared too... But when I opened my eyes finally, I was mortified by what I saw - Dad had his hands in my pants...
He tried to push me back in bed, though he was stronger, I got away somehow but I got my clothes torn badly from struggling to avoid being raped by my own father.

MONTH 5: Kirk let me live with him after what happened last month, I was devastated and ashamed of my Dad. I dropped a note for my mom before leaving, hoping that no one came to search for me either. After all, they never cared about me, so I hoped my decision didn't affect anyone.
Graduation from high school was on point and Kirk was all I had, he was the only one that attended my graduation not even my dad or mom came by. I felt depressed but Kirk was amazing, he made me feel on top of my world. He told me how proud he was of me.

MONTH 6: I finally wanted to meet Kirk's parents, he never spoke about his parents, did he fall from the sky, didn't he have a beginning? He never spoke about his childhood memories or about his parents. He just made me believe he was a college graduate, anytime I tried to ask, he got dumb and gave me cold stares.
One night, I insisted on meeting his family or seeing a picture of them, after all I wasn't a foolish high school leaver. He yelled at me and made biting comments that really hurt me... Since then I learnt to respect his boundaries if I wanted to continue enjoying the love, warmth and shelter he provided.

MONTH 7: It happened!  We had sex, Kirk was great on bed and gentle too. It wasn't so awkward though it was my first time. He was most surprised that I was a virgin all through high school.
Well, not that the boys didn't come for it or I was a fanatic, I had more fears ; fears that if I got pregnant along the line, It would be a disaster (I was already struggling to keep sane at home let alone if I had a baby too) and besides, being a mother at such a young age was terrifying. I had a gorgeous body and I thought getting pregnant meant losing that.

MONTH 8: Kirk had to solemnize our union, I believed that was the right thing to do too. I wanted to be tied down to his life... I had nothing going on for me other than Kirk's Love. I wanted to go further in my education but Kirk suggested after we had a baby together just so I wouldn't run away for another guy, weird how he thought but I concurred . So he invited friends and just friends, (I also had a few girlfriends stop by too) and the oldest guy present informally declared us partners.
My girlfriends squealed in excitement telling me how lucky I was.
(Years later I think about it and I just realized they were the dumbest people ever).

MONTH 9: Morning nauseating, faintness, weakness, all showed up. I knew that I was pregnant at least that's what we were thought in biology back then - symptoms of pregnancy. Kirk seemed happy though but that was just the beginning of a huge change in our relationship. And as weeks rolled by, every day had a surprise from Kirk for me. He was often too engrossed in himself, overly sensitive and less caring... I couldn't decipher what went wrong. I had even seen him lately snuffing substance and I nearly lost myself.
Kirk's movements became unpredictable and disturbing. Sometimes we went to bed together and in the middle of the night, he was nowhere to be found, to allay my fears he would always drop a note "Don't call the police, I am safe!"

MONTH 10: Kirk would not even let me work in a nearby coffee shop, he said I was carrying his baby and needed a lot of rest, so I stayed home full time, just eating what he brings home and living like a prisoned house lover.
I soon got too fed up of being fed with Kirk's bullshit. (He no longer even cared about my well being, all that mattered was that he provided my needs and I should be content with that).
Lest I forget, I soon became his sex toy, he would just climb and ride and get off - he was so selfish in that aspect too. We often argued and yelled at each other, a few times Kirk hit me and I would try to hit back .

MONTH 11: I finally confided in a girlfriend of mine and told her about my plight. She advised me to take the bull by the horn and show Kirk that I was worth respecting; She even advised me to dig it out with him " no man treats his woman like trash! "
She even told me how her mom fought for her marriage like that and now her dad doesn't mess up.
I got home feeling charged and ready to beat Kirk up. I opened the refrigerator and took out one alcoholic beverage,  I got drunk and passed out. (woke up sick the next day).

MONTH 12: This fateful day, I can never forget. The 12th day of the month in the year 1997.
Kirk had come home late this night and I just sat in the sitting room watching my best movie, Kirk just said hi and I murmured an answer. He dropped his bag and went straight to the kitchen, he must have been seriously hungry and I intentionally didn't make any food for him as usual (wanted to show him that I was his partner and not just a slave).
Then he came into the sitting room and turned off the Television set. " what do you think you are doing? " he yelled.
And that was it, I replied every word he blurted out and cursed him big time, reminding him that I was no servant here and besides I was pregnant.
Then he shocked me when he said " You are as useless as human dung, you are just an overgrown baby who had to get away from home and since you came into my life, I haven't had peace of mind. I wish you never existed. After all no one cares if you die or live " . That was the last straw that broke the Camel's back, instead of breaking down in body quaking sobs, I ran into the kitchen to get a frying pan, I  don't know what I was thinking (Kirk was quite taller than I am).
I tried to fight like a wounded lion but the beast in me couldn't stand the beast in him and soon I could hear someone screaming like crazy... I guess that was me.

Woke up in a hospital, don't know how I got there or what happened to me when I got there. When I opened my eyes, I  could feel a sharp pain all over my body.
I later got to know that the police found me almost dead by the road and that I was seriously bleeding and injured...

To cut the long story short, my life has never remained the same, I lost the baby. Kirk is history, I have never been able to know where he lives... My family is also history though I am planning to go search for them.
One thing led to another, I moved far away from my state... To survive, I work as a stripper in a club. It's not being easy and till tomorrow I still regret every decision I made 14 years ago, I'm 30 now. And though I don't love what I do but the decision I made years back have built me this way, I just flow with the tide.

Thanks for having the time to read my story .